Most of us have been in relationships before. We might be in them now. If you are, is yours fun and exciting? Is it playful? Does it bring more ease and joy into your life? Does it make your life greater? Or, perhaps, there was a time, maybe in the beginning, when your relationship was all of these things, but not so much now.
Often, when relationships begin, it’s like an adventure. You adore everything about your partner. You have a sense of being alive and of loving life. It’s light. It’s easy. It’s fun. Then, for so many couples, that all starts to change. That cute thing your partner does now annoys the heck out of you. You notice all of their inconsistencies and idiosyncrasies, and the good feelings disappear!
What would it take for your relationship to remain an adventure—no matter how long you’d been in it? What would it take to wake up every day, grateful for you, grateful for your partner, grateful for your relationship? What would it be like if the playfulness and excitement never went away and actually increased with time?
All of this and more is possible! You can create a conscious relationship that contributes to you, to your partner, and to the world in ways you haven’t yet imagined.
No matter where your relationship is today, you can begin using these four tips to create something greater right away!
1. Move from judgment into acceptance.
Today’s expectations become tomorrow’s judgment. All the expectations you have of yourself, of your partner, and of your relationship will turn into the things that you judge, and those judgments will kill your relationship.
A conscious relationship is one that includes everything and judges nothing. It’s a relationship that is in total allowance of everything that you are and everything that your partner is.
That sounds good, right? But how do you get there? How do you go from expectations to allowance? It’s simple! Every time you have a thought or expectation about anything, say, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” Keep saying it until you feel lighter.
What happens is that all of your conclusions about how things should be, including how you should be, become just an interesting point of view rather than a fact.
The next time your partner does something that makes you want to run away screaming, say, “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view,” and see what happens.
You can use this for the expectations you have of yourself, too. But don’t try it. You might actually start to have total allowance for yourself!