True intimacy with another occurs when we’re attentive, at ease, and in the moment. So how do we create that? I believe we make that possible when we embrace and practice the five elements of intimacy – honor, trust, allowance, vulnerability, and gratitude. You get to be who you are, and your partner gets to be who they are. Whether you’re in the bedroom, at a family gathering, or chatting on the phone — together, you create a communion.
Here are 3 of the 5 elements. And for all the elements, please visit the full article in Marriage.com here.
See honor as your bedrock. In essence, it means treating your partner with regard, respect, and kindness. Does that sound a little too obvious?
Here’s the thing – to truly honor your partner, you have to really know them. We tend to draw conclusions about how to enrich our partner’s life based on our perception of who they are — which may be skewed — or what they’ve needed from us in the past. Could your view on how to honor your partner be outdated?
What if you really start to be present with your partner? What if you choose to be attentive and seek understanding by listening, asking questions … and listening some more?
A quick and important note: Honor yourself too. Treat yourself with regard, respect and kindness. This is not an either/or situation. You can be aware of what you require at the same time as what your partner requires.
We avoid being vulnerable because we’re afraid that if we take our barriers down, we’ll be lacking in some way and possibly abandoned. In truth, the soft, authentic space of vulnerability is the perfect territory in which to build intimacy.
In vulnerability, you’re not pretending to be who you think your partner wants you to be. Instead, you’re allowing them to see and accept you for who you truly are.
What if you allow your partner to see all of you, you without make-up, you on a tough day, you when you feel down?
And then… don’t expect them to fix you or how you feel. This allows you to receive whatever they can gift to you, free of expectations.
My take on gratitude is that it’s actually greater than love. Love is based on judgment; and, in that way, it’s conditional. This is something similar to the traditional view of trust.
What if you wrote a list of what you’re grateful for about your partner and shared that list with them? What if you made a list of what you’re grateful for about you, too?
These five elements offer a new way to be with each other, allowing you to create your relationship in a way that’s unique and a gift to both of you. You chose each other. And now, is it the time to enjoy each other?
Is it time to create something sensational?
P.S. For more relationship tips, techniques and tools, please feel free to check out my Kajabi Class “Getting Out of Need & Into Intimacy” here.
P.S.S. And for further exploring…
– What now? Six videos about the tools I use every single day: https://drdainheer.com/whatnow/.
– Who Does This Belong To? A whole playlist about the first tool I would give an alien can be found here.