We have a lot of sensitive, aware men out there who have no role models for how to be a true man. From my point of view, we can be it all.
We can be strong, we can have somebody’s back, we can desire sex and still desire women’s rights, we can have our friends back in a fight, and we can also be the one who somebody can cry on our shoulders. The difficulty is the separation we have between what is supposedly a man and what supposedly isn’t.
How do I define masculinity?
I define it a little differently than other people. My sense is it’s about embracing everything that we are. I think we create a difficulty in our lives and our relationships when we separate masculinity from all the other aspects of being. For me, it’s more about being a gentleman. The masculinity part is sometimes the standard we try to achieve with standards created by other people; and yet it doesn’t have anything to do with us being us. There is a discrepancy between what a man supposedly is, and what we are shown in movies, and what women supposedly want. There are so many standards for what is masculine, what a man is supposed to be; but as far as I can tell, about 50% of the population don’t fit that standard and don’t fit that mold.
What is the return of the gentleman? What would it look like?
From my point of view, it’s where a man gets to be everything that he is. Where he actually gets to look in the mirror in the morning and like the person looking back at him. Where he is honoring of himself and everything that he is; but he is also honoring of everyone around him, including the people he is in relationships with. That man always looks for possibilities and is willing to have every aspect of himself available to be able to create those possibilities.
Where does changing this idea of what a masculine man is start?
It’s definitely going to start with the men. The reason I say that is because it’s got to be a choice that we make to be something different than most of what we have seen in the world and to finally get in touch with what is actually true for us not what we have been told we are supposed to be and not what is true for everybody else.
P.S. For more, check out my Return of the Gentleman playlist!