Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Oh my God, I’m so judgmental”? (If you’re anything like me, my guess is you probably have, multiple times!)
I have good news for you though: that thought alone is proof you’re not.
Here’s why. Somebody who’s truly judgmental never thinks, “Oh my God, I’m so judgmental.” They don’t lie awake at night wondering whether they were unfair to someone. They simply know they’re right and you’re wrong, end of story. The questioning never happens, because for them there’s nothing to question.
So if you’ve been worrying about being judgmental, look a little closer… There’s usually only one person you actually judge – you.
I’ve spent 26 years working with people all over the world, and I see this everywhere in a particular kind of person: the seekers. The ones who know something else is possible. The ones who look at this reality and ask, “If this is all there is, why are we here?”
If that’s you, you probably have this pattern too – endlessly generous with everyone else’s flaws, and absolutely merciless with your own. You’d never speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself. You give everyone else another chance, a benefit of the doubt, a “they were probably having a hard day.” And then you turn around and put yourself on trial for a sentence you said in 2014.
Here’s the thing to know about judgment: judgment is always a lie designed to diminish us. It doesn’t matter whether it’s coming from someone else or from the committee in your own head… Its only function is to make you smaller. And yet we continue to take our self-judgments as truth as if being hard on ourselves is what keeps us good.
What if it’s the opposite? What if all that self-judgment has never once made you kinder, more capable, or more successful – it’s just made you heavier?
That’s actually the tool I’d love to leave you with. What’s true for you always makes you lighter. A lie always makes you heavier. Try it on any of your favourite self-judgments. “I’m too much.” “I’m not enough.” “I always get it wrong.” Do any of those make you lighter? No? Then they’re not true and they never were.
What would your life be like if the kindness you so freely give everyone else finally included you?
Grateful for you!
Dain
PS: This post was inspired by the 2026 International Being You Day! If you would like to listen to the recording of the whole day for yourself, you can do so right here.
PPS. If you’re feeling a bit stuck on things and could use a little more support, head over and check out my You Got This audios. There are audios for pretty much everything 😉
And for more information, tools, and resources, you can visit my website: https://www.drdainheer.com
