As much as I would like to wave my magic wand and get rid of all of the judgment in the world, that’s not likely to occur anytime soon. Most of us know what it feels like to be judged. Whether we are judged for the way we look, our weight, the way we parent, the job we have, the money we make, the house we own (or don’t) or any other number of things, being on the other end of judgment is not much fun. Adding to the judgments from others, the judgments we so often hurl at ourselves create even more limitations. If you desire to have a life that works for you, one you actually enjoy living, you have to go beyond judgment because judgment limits all possibilities.
Here are my top 3 tips on dealing with judgment that comes from others. Use these tips, and judgement will no longer stop you or weigh you down.
1. What’s right about me that I am not getting?
When people are judging you, it can be easy to agree with their judgments. Or, at least question and wonder if they are true. The next time someone judges you, rather than spiraling down and questioning you, you can ask, “What’s right about me that I am not getting?” When you ask this, you will begin to have a sense of the gift of you rather than the judgment of you; and that sense of the gift of you diminishes the impact of the judgments dynamically.
2. Thank them for caring.
Most judgement is delivered indirectly or behind your back. When someone does deliver a judgment directly to you, say, “Thank you so much for caring”. Do they care? No. But when you thank them anyway, they won’t know what to do or how to respond. It takes the wind out of their sails and puts them into question of whether they actually do care or not and they will back off.
3. Judgment is nothing more than an interesting point of view.
One of the most effective tools against judgement is a little thing called interesting point of view. Here’s how it works. When someone is judging you for something and you become aware of it, say to yourself, “Interesting point of view. They have that point of view.” Say it a few times. What happens is that rather than their judgments being significant to you, rather than believing that their judgments are real and true, you begin to see them as nothing more than interesting. And when something is simply interesting, it has no power over you.
In the face of judgement, many of us step back, make ourselves small, make ourselves wrong and start looking for where the judgements of others must true. Please know that judgements are not real or true. Ever. When something is true for you, it makes you feel lighter. When something is a lie and not true for you, it makes you feel heavier. When someone says something to you or projects something at you and you feel heavy, that is because it is a lie. Rather than allowing that judgement to bring you down, rather than trying to prove that judgement right by agreeing with it or trying to prove it wrong by resisting and fighting against it, use the above tools and watch the judgements of others lose their power.
Has anyone ever told you that you are gift? Has anyone ever acknowledged that you being you is the greatest thing you could ever give to yourself and to the world? Do you realize how crucial you are to the possibilities of the world? When you are judging you, you are not being you. When you are not being you, the entire world misses out. What if it’s time to claim, own and acknowledge the greatness and brilliance of you? What would that change?
Judgements, whether they come from you or someone else are designed to control, disempower and stop you. No matter how harshly you judge you, no matter how harshly others judge you, there is no judgement that is greater than you. Recognize that judgements are not real. Remember to ask questions, all the time. Choose gratitude for you. Choose kindness for you. Choose to have and be all of you. Wake up each and every day and choose to practice these things. Before long you will notice that even though judgement continues to exist all around you, it has no impact on you. From this space, you are empowered to create your life.
P.S. To read my full article as featured on the online publication “Aspiring Gentleman”, please go here.