Hi friend! When you hear the word ‘generosity,’ what do you think of?

Is it something you have to do, something you have to give, or a certain way of being you have to be to be considered generous?

I’d like to explore this a little with you, as generosity has been a topic that’s quite relevant lately.

Most of us tend to think of generosity as something we do – like an action or a choice to give something to someone else. And then we wonder why it can feel so forced, or exhausting, or like something we have to talk ourselves into.

Well, what if we’ve got it backwards?

It’s Not Something You Do. It’s What You Are.

What if generosity, at its core, isn’t an action?

What if it’s a state of being – and what’s present when you’re fully open to life, to other people, and yourself. Not performing kindness or calculating what to give and what to hold back.

You’ve probably felt those moments where everything felt easy and connected, where you weren’t defending anything or managing anything, where things just flowed. That’s it. That’s the generosity being talked about here – and the interesting thing is, it didn’t require effort.

In fact, what if not being generous is actually the hard part? Maybe contraction, separation, defensiveness, all the stuff we default to, is what takes work? Maybe generosity, real generosity, is what’s left when you stop doing all of that.

What We Were Told

The story most of us heard growing up goes something like this: if you want to have something, you have to take it. Protect what’s yours. Keep score. Separate yourself from others so you can get ahead.

It feels logical, sure. And it’s also in part, a lie.

Because the people who seem to have the most aren’t usually the ones who are most closed off and self-protective. They’re the ones who are most open, present and willing to give and receive freely.

Generosity doesn’t deplete you. When it’s real, it works the other way: what you give moves through you, out to others, and something greater comes back – because openness actually creates more openness! Cool, huh?

Receiving Is Generosity Too

This is the part that often gets missed: receiving is just as generous as giving, or as we call it in Access Consciousness: gifting. 

When someone offers you something and you actually let it in, you’re gifting them something too – the experience of their gift landing.

On the other hand, deflecting, minimising, brushing things off  can be seen as a form of rejection, which can tend to close things down, not just for you but for the exchange itself.

Being willing to receive, fully and without immediately qualifying it or sending it back, is one of the more generous things you can do.

Acknowledging Others Is an Act of Generosity

Related to this: when you genuinely see someone (their kindness, their effort, their value) and you say so, that’s generosity in action.

Not flattery or performance, just honest acknowledgment of what’s actually there.

It’s easy to underestimate how much this does. Most people walk around largely unseen. When someone actually looks and says, “I see that about you, and it matters,” it can shift something. It gives people permission to be more of what they already are.

That costs nothing. And it’s one of the most generous things available to anyone at any moment.

What Gets in the Way…

If generosity is our natural state, why does it sometimes feel hard to access?

Judgment is a big reason, of others and of ourselves. When we’re busy deciding what’s right and wrong, good and bad, worthy and unworthy, we’re not open. We’re sorting, which closes things down.

The need to control is another. The more tightly we manage how things look, how people see us, how outcomes unfold, the less room there is to simply be present.

All of this makes sense given what we’ve been taught. But it has a cost. Every time we contract, we cut off a little of our access to something that was already there.

You Don’t Have to Earn This

You don’t have to become a better person to access this. You don’t have to earn it or fix yourself first.

It’s already there, underneath the defensiveness, judgment and trying too hard. It’s what you are when you stop layering all of that on top.

The practice, if there is one, is just noticing when you’re contracted and asking what it would take to soften a little. Not forcing openness – just being willing to be a bit less defended than you were a moment ago.

That’s enough. And it turns out, it changes quite a lot.

Where in your life are you already being this kind of generosity without realising it? And where might you be making it harder than it needs to be?

Dain

PS: If you haven’t explored it yet, Access.me is a living library of Access Consciousness classes — thousands of hours on money, relationships, bodies, happiness, and more. It’s one of the resources at the top of my own list because it keeps gifting new awareness and space every time I listen.

P. P. S – If you’re feeling a bit stuck on things and could use a little more support, head on over to check out my You Got This audios. There are audios for pretty much everything!

And for more information, tools, and resources, you can visit my website:
https://www.drdainheer.com