How much have we been taught to believe that boredom is an inevitable part of relationships, especially if you have been in one for say, longer than six minutes?
What if boredom in relationships is not inevitable, significant, or even a problem? What if it’s just indicative of a different choice we have that we aren’t making?
Let me explain a little.
I once asked a friend and mentor, “What is boredom actually about?” and he said, “If you are bored, it’s because you don’t want to have fun. If you were having fun, you would stop being bored.”
Is boredom really a choice we are making not to have fun?
Surely it’s a bit more… complicated?
Well, no. And if you take a closer look, the simplicity of realizing that boredom is just a choice gives us the ability to bust a few other myths:
If boredom is just a choice, then being bored in your relationship is not:
A sign something is wrong with your relationship
A sign there is something wrong with you
A sign there is something wrong with your partner
A symptom of deeper, underlying issues
Unchangeable or difficult to change
If you are currently bored in your relationship (and assuming you actually would like to stay in the relationship and not leave it), then probably one or more of these things is also true:
There are possibilities for fun in your relationship that you haven’t discovered or taken advantage of yet.
You are probably functioning in some unconscious ways that are hindering the joy (either a little or a lot) and you can change it with some simple tools
Worst case scenario – you do not like fun
Now, if you don’t like having fun, then the rest of this article is probably going to be useless to you. But if we go with the idea that you do like fun, then the boredom in your relationship is really just an indicator that it’s time to change your approach to things. There is a whole world of enjoyment available and let’s face it – if you are in a relationship, it should be enjoyable, it should be fun, or else why are you doing it?
Here are 3 ways you can start changing the boredom in your relationship and have more fun. Let’s start with the weirdest one first, because it’s one of my favorites:
1. Wake up with a new person each day
Life is so much more fun when you don’t know exactly what is going to happen, right? It’s called an adventure.
We quickly lose the sense of adventure in a relationship when we settle into these well-worn grooves and stop looking at our partner with wonder and curiosity.
That sense of wonder was probably what got you both started in the first place! Here is how you can start to get it back:
Imagine if you woke up with a new person every morning?
And what if you don’t have to go to bed with a different person each night to do it? Think along the lines of Drew Barrymore’s character in the “50 First Dates” movie.
If you woke up each day with no memory or ability or desire to reference the past, and all you had was a mystery ahead with this gorgeous stranger beside you, what would you choose?
Basically, what if you could give your relationship the ultimate clean slate (without having to resort to actual amnesia) every day?
Every morning, take a moment to sit with the energy you have around your relationship in that moment – whatever thoughts, feelings and emotions you have, good and bad – then (either silently to yourself or say out loud) completely destroy and uncreate your relationship.
It’s kind of like energetically “letting go”… but on steroids.
Sound harsh? Not at all.
I knew a woman who asked her husband after 20 years of marriage, “Darling, can we please destroy and uncreate our relationship today and every day?” and he said, “Do you mean you want a divorce?”
She said, “No!”
Destroying and uncreating your relationship is not about leaving, breaking up, or destroying what is great about your relationship; it is a simple and yet dynamic practice of consciously discarding the entire backlog of judgments, expectations, projections, resentments and assumptions that you have built up in your relationship over the days, weeks, months and years.
It’s eliminating the past and giving you and your partner space to re-discover and create your relationship anew. Every. Single. Day. And with none of the crap holding you back.
You don’t have to get your partner to do it for it to work, either. If you are willing to destroy and uncreate everything on your side of it, things will change, and you will be amazed at what begins to open up for both of you.
For the next 2 tips and full article in Menprovement.com click HERE.