I have a question for you.

What if the biggest obstacle keeping you from being the greatness that you are, is the fact that you are pretending to be someone you are not?

Just take a moment to consider that. How does it feel?

Light or heavy?

How does the idea that you might be playing a part, or a role, in your life rather than living as you, feel to you?

Is it a possibility?

That’s all for now — we’ll come back to that question soon enough.

Here are three tips I’ve found for living more authentically:

1. Letting Go

In this first part of our journey I’d like to invite you to explore ideas around role-playing, and how you may feel you have to put on an act, play a part, be someone else — just to meet external expectations (and maybe some internal ones too).

I’d like you to get to a point where you can identify if you are playing a role in any of the relationships in your life; and invite you to see how playing certain roles may be obstructing your capacity to be YOU.

When you are aware of the roles that are holding you back, you can choose something different. When you choose beyond the roles that are holding you back, you begin to be you in the world.

2. Should and Supposed To

There are two phrases which are really useful to help you identify whether you are playing a role, or whether you are being you.

Allow me to introduce you to “should”, and his very good friend, “supposed to”.

Think about it… How often do you use these words?

I should do this.

I’m supposed to do that.

Do those phrases create a lightness in your world at all? Or a sense of obligation?

When you are operating from what you (or the people in your life) think you ‘should’ do – or are ‘supposed to’ do – how much freedom do you have?

Basically, you keep yourself in a very small box.

3. Say Hello to Choice and Space

When you are functioning from all of the roles you think you are supposed to play for other people (in order to be a ‘good’ partner, parent, employee in the world) you lose one of the most essential aspects of being YOU: question and choice.

What if you started to ask the following questions for…well…EVERYTHING?

What would create the most value here?

What would I like to create?

Once you start to embrace new possibilities, amazing things happen. It’s like a domino effect.  Something new will come into your world and that new thing will have more possibility and consciousness to it. And then your choices expand; and what you can be gets greater, and what you can contribute changes too!

Just like that. Oh, and you may find yourself getting happier, too!

Dain

P.S. For the full article in Best Self Magazine, please visit here.  In it, I also discuss how this relates to being a gentleman in the world.

P.S.S. And for even more tools and tips, please check out my book called Return of the Gentleman! It’s a start of a different possibility that we as men – and as women – can choose if we are willing to give up the stereotypes of men, and go beyond the points of views of this reality. Go here to find out more! 🙂

P.S.S.S.T.  And for further exploring…

– What now? Six videos about the tools I use every single day: https://drdainheer.com/whatnow/.

– Who Does This Belong To? A whole playlist about the first tool I would give an alien can be found here.