Do you believe that you have to have a relationship? Or that it’s better to have one than to not have one? There are so many people miserable in their relationships but they stay in them either because they are afraid to be alone or they have bought the idea that they must have one, or, rather than having a sense of security with themselves, they look to someone else to provide that for them.

The problem with this perspective is if you go into a relationship with the idea that you must have a relationship, whatever the reasons may be, this promotes you to being needy and insecure in the relationship. That need and insecurity then puts a wall between you and your partner, eventually driving you apart.

Even though it’s contrary to popular belief, the people that create the most success in their relationships have no need of their partner. When you have no need of your partner, you can have gratitude. When you have need of your partner, gratitude goes away.

So, being needless in your relationship is key to creating a great relationship.

Here are 2 tips on how to stop being needy and insecure in your relationships so that you can create one that works:

1. Get Clear on What’s True For You.

Our relationships are often based on the points of view of others. If you want to be needless in your relationship, you have to find out what’s true for you. Write down the points of view about relationships that you have picked up from your mother, father, girlfriends and boyfriends by the time you were twenty. Next, write down the points of view you picked up from stories, romance novels and fairy tales.

Now take a look at your list and ask, “How many of these points of view have I tried to create in my relationships?”, and “If I had no past and had bought none of these points of view, what would I like in my relationship right now?”

As you get clear on what it is YOU desire, you can start to make choices to create that.

2. Keep YOU in the Relationship

When we are needy and insecure in our relationship, we give ourselves up.  It’s as if we try to become our partner and we expect them to try and become us. We stop doing the things we enjoy. We stop connecting with the people that nurture us. We make our partner the sole source of our lives… and are left with less energy, less joy and lots of resentment.

Something else is possible!

Choose for you and allow your partner to choose for them.

Do what you love to do. Whatever that may be.

Connect with the people that nurture and care for you. YOU are the most important ingredient of your relationship. When you cut off parts of you, thinking that is what is required to make the relationship work, it actually has the opposite effect.

I wonder what else is possible now with you and your relationships?

Dain

P.S. For the last tip and full article in Natural Family today, just click HERE.