Do you know what it means to be a man right now? What about a gentleman? If I stumped you with that question you are not alone. In fact, a lot of guys aren’t sure how to be a gentleman. So grateful I got to speak with Urbasm and have a conversation about this very subject.
Urbasm: Dr. Heer, we understand that every generation of man grows up a little different than the one before, which leaves him with a slightly different set of difficulties to overcome. What do you think today’s man is missing more than anything?
Dr. Dain Heer: A sense of what it is to be a man. There are so many men that are having an identity crisis. They know that the idea of the ‘macho man’ or ‘alpha male’ is outdated, but they don’t see anything else that actually matches what they know should exist and what they know is possible.
I’d also call it a masculinity crisis, because we’re exposed to these outdated modes of physical prowess and strength; but today’s man knows there’s more available. There is an emotional side that they desire to express, but they don’t believe they have the freedom to do so. There is a sensitive side they’d like to express, but they also don’t think they have the freedom to express that. And if men want to be and are sensitive, aware and kind, there aren’t really many role models out there showing them that they can be all of those things.
Urbasm: What are the signs that a man is not being his authentic self?
Dr. Dain Heer: Unhappiness, a sense of insecurity, low libido, a desire to withdraw and not engage with others socially and a constant state of self-judgment.
Urbasm: We’ve heard from other author’s that today’s man is too sensitive? What is your take on this argument?
Dr. Dain Heer: I wouldn’t say today’s man is too sensitive, but that they don’t believe they have the freedom to be sensitive without judgement. It’s actually the sensitive men of the world that are the game changers. They’re the ones who have this highly-tuned awareness to what’s going on around them, that other people don’t have; and when they function from that, they embrace things that change the world. So, I would totally disagree that today’s man is too sensitive. I think they’re highly aware, but they don’t believe they have the freedom to be as sensitive as they actually are.
Urbasm: We have our own man card that we’ve developed and carry in our wallets, but we’re even more interested to know your opinion of what should be the top 5 actions for every man who seek to earn his gentleman card?
Dr. Dain Heer: Be authentic. Value women and men as you would like to be valued yourself. Stop cutting off your sexualness and believing that having a sex drive is wrong. Be willing to explore living elegantly and having a sense of class in how you dress and present yourself to others. Care about your appearance – it doesn’t mean you have to be overly obsessive; but wear something that actually shows that you put some effort into how you show up in the world, and how you show up for other people. Don’t be a snag (sensitive new age guy). Just be you.
P.S. For the full interview in Urbasm, please visit here.
P.S. And for more tools and tips, please check out my new book called Return of the Gentleman! It’s a start of a different possibility that we as men – and as women – can choose if we are willing to give up the stereotypes of men, and go beyond the points of views of this reality. Go here to find out more! 🙂