It is strange to write about suicide when you’re happy. It nearly seems disrespectful. Because if you’ve really been there, at the point of killing yourself, you know it is not a show, a gamble or a play for attention.
That moment in time, that point of no return when you make the choice to end your life, is more real than anything you’ve ever experienced — and it changes everything. And if you choose beyond it, if you choose to live, you are forever different.
I know, because I did. And I am.
In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day and month, I would like to share my story and some of the tools that allowed me to choose beyond the point of suicide.
This was many years ago, I had just become a Doctor of Chiropractic and I had my whole life in front of me. At the time, I had a seemingly perfect life. I lived in beautiful Santa Barbara, California, I had an apartment, a beautiful girlfriend, a new chiropractic practice…and yet, inside I was dying. I was disillusioned with my own dreams and deathly-tired of trying to fill that infinite empty hole inside.
So, I set a date for my own death.
I planned it so that it would not be on a holiday or near anyone’s birthday. I didn’t want any of those close to me to have to think of me at those times when I was gone. And I gave the universe six months to change my whole life, or I was out. I was on the verge of suicide – and no one around me knew. Trust me. They would have said, “Dain? Yeah, he is doing great!”
Let me underscore this: Everyone thought I was fine.
I did not reach out for help. I did not show any signs that I was at my wits end. I smiled, I went to work, I kissed my girlfriend. And while I did all that, I told myself, “Six months, my life changes or I am out of here.”
A few weeks later, the universe intervened. With the help of a tiny ad in a local paper, it put me in contact with the tools of something called Access Consciousness.
Once I started to use those tools, my life completely changed and I’ve never considered suicide again. I know that sounds like a fairy-tale and way too easy. In some ways, it was easier than I could have imagined. And, in so many other ways, it was not. Choosing to live is a constant and continuous choice. I use the very same tools every day to create my life – a life that now is joyful, creative and very successful by most people’s standards.
In honor of this day and month, I would like to briefly introduce you to two of these tools. My hope is that, if you’ve ever had thoughts of suicide — or if you know someone who has — these tools can assist in some way. Maybe they can help you to take two more steps. And that may be enough, because two more steps can change everything.
The first two tools below are based on asking questions. A question always empowers. An answer always disempowers. When you ask a question, you open other doorways of possibility in your life that never seemed to exist before you asked the question. They were always there, but you have to ask the question in order to access them.
Tool #1: Who does this belong to?
How much of your life have you spent believing that the sense of wrongness you perceive is really yours? What if you’re aware of other people in the world around you? Truthfully, is it yours or someone else’s?
We are constantly bombarded by the thoughts and feelings of people around us. Often, we don’t even realize it. Much of what goes on in your head isn’t even yours. Highly sensitive people are particularly affected by the feelings, thoughts, emotions and judgments of others. It’s like you are absorbing what everyone else is feeling. And highly sensitive people are often those who most contemplate suicide and who live with depression.
This is the time to ask this question: Who does this belong to? If you suddenly feel lighter, it’s because it isn’t yours. You can return it to sender. Yes! Just return it. If it’s not yours, you can’t do anything about it anyway. You can’t solve it, but you can return it and lighten your load.
Being YOU has a sense of lightness and ease to it. You trying to be someone else feels immensely heavy. What if 98% of all that is heavy and dark is NOT yours? Would there be less trauma and drama in your life? Would you have more peace and knowing of what is true for you? If you could start to get rid of 98% of the thoughts in your head after using this tool for the next three days, would you use it? I did.
By the way, if this tool resonates with you, I created an entire YouTube playlist with videos explaining how to use it. It’s my gift to you and an acknowledgment to you that things can be different. You can find it by clicking on this link.
Tool #2: Stop judging you
When you feel depressed, when you have thoughts of ending your life, when you can’t seem to find that happy feeling no matter how hard you try, oftentimes you decide that there is something wrong with you. What if there’s nothing wrong with you? What if you don’t need to be fixed? And what if you’re not nearly as f***ed up as you think you are?
We spend so much time judging ourselves and our bodies. The result is that we are used to believing that we are wrong. Would you be willing to let that go? If so, try asking this question every day: “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?” In fact, ask it several times a day. You don’t have to believe it; just ask the question and let it work its magic.
No matter what has occurred in your life, you have the power to change it. I wish someone would have been there to tell me this all those years ago. That’s why I’m here sharing this with you now.
Your life is a choice you can make.
Please, make that choice.
Make the choice to wake up in the morning and ask questions.
Make the choice to stop judging and trying to fix you.
Make the choice to talk to someone who is kind and let them into your world.
Make the choice to never give up, to never give in, and to never quit.
If you do, something totally different (and maybe even miraculous) is possible. Starting now.
With so much gratitude for you,
P.S. For more information and tools, please visit my page here.
P.S.S. And please visit here for the original publication at Best Self Magazine.
What else is possible now?